12-19-25: Had an excellent day! Ate at a delicious Indian buffet with my partner, met up with a friend and their friends at the museum to celebrate their birthday, and got Rosa's on the way home. Drive wasn't too bad, although traffic in the evening was nuts. I felt pretty good about my appearance. Still do, really. That doesn't seem to take the sting out of getting side-eyed in the bathroom. Thing is, I don't really expect my body or appearance to change a whole lot from here out. Like, yeah, there are still continued changes to result from HRT, but a lot of that is stuff my body went through and still kinda retained. I guess we'll see. I wish I had never quit it. I don't want to drive myself crazy thinking about what I would be like now if I hadn't quit and was now 15 years, and really my entire adult life, into transition, instead of having stopped after five. What was I fucking thinking? I actually do kind of know. I have some stuff saved from around the time. I had developed a pretty severe health anxiety. I didn't want to remain DIY without supervision, and I didn't know how to get supervision. And there were things about being binary that were super difficult for me, especially given I was doing things that made me uncomfortable, that weren't me. Maybe they helped me pass better but they just weren't me. I told myself this time that my focus would not be on passing but on being authentic. And it needs to be like that. But... I just wish I didn't have to work so hard to not feel alienated by my own body.