i wish i had simply been raped all eyes on you – supine, in the cold gray, your body uncovered but for the papery walls of a friend's bedroom, but for the excrement smeared all over your genitals like nutella on meat, the trashbag crinkling as you, used up and isolate, gather enough heat to vibrate your shivering girlboy body up, up off the bag, up off the floor, until the camera's eye kisses your face; you spared one pinky to keep the REC button clean, what expression did he read into your face each time he jerked off to you? his hands may have buried you in his sheets, or attic, or lawn, but it was your hands that cranked the faucet, eliciting the cold gray lifeless rainfall, your hands scrubbed raw by the chill draining from the dead water heater, your hands like palette knives defacing your body, your hands uploading your heart in a desperate grope for love, your hands on his dick, finishing on you, over and over , your hands lacking any fingers to point.